Just being present, paying complete attention to the person in a nonjudgmental way, is often the answer.For yourself, being mindful of your own emotion is the first step to accepting your emotion.She says he's treating her like a child and is so controlling she doesn't have room to breathe. You could say, "I understand, you are upset because your husband cut up your credit cards without your agreement--that made you feel like he was acting like your parent." You reflect her thoughts and emotions back to her, showing that you accept those feelings as her internal experience.When you ask her what his reason was, she says that she overspent or the fourth time, running the balance over the limit by buying expensive shoes and they were unable to pay the bill. You probably couldn't use Level 6 or radical genuineness as it's unlikely you have similar experiences that you could understand her feelings on a deep level, such as having had the same experience and reaction."Sounds like you're disappointed in yourself because you didn't call him back," could be accurate reflection by someone else. Mindreading is guessing what another person might be feeling or thinking.People vary in their ability to know their own feelings.For example, some confuse anxiety and excitement and some confuse excitement and happiness.
Level Five is normalizing or recognizing emotional reactions that anyone would have.Being able to accurately label feelings is an important step to being able to regulate them.When someone is describing a situation, notice their emotional state.People may mask their feelings because they have learned that others don't react well to their sensitivity.This masking can lead to not acknowledging their feelings even to themselves, which makes the emotions more difficult to manage.