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On February 4, Twitter CEO Dick Costolo admitted in a memo that “we suck at dealing with abuse.” Facebook’s sometimes-controversial “real names” policy is in part an attempt to curb abuse on the site, and the social-media behemoth employs legions of low-paid screeners to filter offensive posts.It’s not surprising that Fet Life, a much smaller company than Twitter and Facebook, lacks the manpower and innovation to confront and deal with the even more complicated reality of offline abuse suffered by its members.The thread can still be viewed in its anonymized version by registered Fetlife users.Many of the stories shared on Fet Life are horrific.The website “50 Shades of Abuse” dives deep into the books’ many instances of coercion and force, including four separate times main character Ana is raped by her boyfriend Christian Grey.The campaign “50 Dollars Not 50 Shades” has called for a boycott of the film on the grounds that it glamorizes abuse, encouraging people to instead donate to a women’s shelter.

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The inability to name abusers on Fet Life, even pseudonymously, deepens the faceless distance that breeds online abuse.

Revelations of abuse also frequently surface on Fet Life.

But these discussions are seriously limited—Fetlife doesn’t allow users to name their abusers.

In 2013, these anecdotes were backed up by a survey by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, a group that works for the legal protection of alternative sexual practices.

The survey found that 30 percent of people who participated in BDSM had had their pre-negotiated boundaries violated by a partner.