He says he can stay over after his co-worker leaves. He says it isn’t a big deal and a lot of his friends have been through it.
He agrees to come but bargains with me to get out of spending the night with me. There are some old men holding posters of fetuses, chanting at passersby not to kill babies.
A little strange but I have class soon so I’m distracted. My first thought is to text Dubman for a romp tonight. He’s done that before after a first or second date …
I watch porn thinking about Dubman, constantly checking my phone to see if he’s contacted me to get together. Many of them have the same question: “Where are you from ‘originally? I’m on the bus and suddenly feel a wave of nausea, but am able to compose myself.
I get teary watching a Facebook video for National Coming Out Day. It was two weekends ago in a single tent in Acadia. I don’t think I’m going to tell Dubman until I see him in person.
I eat the same food for every meal at almost the same times almost every day. Actually, I don’t think it’s my period — I think I might be pregnant. I think over this calmly and try to remember my last session of unprotected sex with Dubman. The pregnancy hormones — or just the thought — are making me feel crazy.
She’s walking on a street in Guanajuato yelling at me to call Dubman. She says he needs to be there and he needs to pay for at least half of everything — whatever I choose to do. I’m not prepared for his reaction: He feels strongly that I should get an abortion. I reserve the earliest appointment for the next evening. I’m bored and lonely but don’t feel like seeing any of my friends.
Multiple texts from my friend urging me not to let Dubman get away with this.
It’s supposed to start contractions immediately and there is severe cramping to be expected for up to eight hours. I pour myself some whiskey and go into the bathroom to pee. I do the second pregnancy test and scream into my pillow. I’m also unusually wet for this hour — I’m able to masturbate quickly and easily. He also seemed like everything I detest — privileged, aware of his laid-back-ness and wit. But somehow over the past three years he’s become my best friend. My feelings for him have ebbed and flowed, then became stronger a few months ago. He’s never hid the fact that he has regular sex with three ex-girlfriends, two colleagues, and a neighbor. And Dubman doesn’t like wearing condoms so I have to remember to get one out each time. Get a G-chat from Dubman; it’s a Funny Onion article — “Man Unknowingly Buys Lifetime Supply of Condoms.” It’s a good sign. I was Jigsaw and he was in blond pigtails and a white tie-up shirt. He seemed like everything I like in a guy — easygoing, funny, generally well read, decent looking. My parents are Indian and like to believe I’m a 30-year-old virgin.