Dating others while in a relationship

Remind yourself that sex isn’t love, emotional intensity isn’t even love, and love at first sight is for rom-coms. He’s in therapy, reads self-help books, and speaks the language of emotional awareness.You need to slow down and really get to know this person. The Pattern: When he tells you right off the bat about the medication he’s taking, you’re thrilled. He understands when you need Me Time, and lets you cry on his shoulder when life just feels too hard.But while you can’t choose not to have that first thought, you decide not to let yourself follow it. Force yourself to finish reading that Tweet, or maybe even that book you were so into before you met him. So if you’re having a serious flirtation with a guy and feel like you’re getting swept away, get back into reality STAT. The Pattern: When you like a guy, you try to orchestrate events that will bring you together, like organizing a happy hour after work or a night out dancing with your classmates. You are trying to push him to ask you out NOW so you don’t have to sit with your anxiety all week.Instead of lying in bed reliving a yummy date, go out to brunch with a friend. As uncomfortable as it might be, try to have a conversation about what’s actually going on between you rather than indefinitely staying in a fantasy relationship with him. It’s masochistic to be involved with a guy who’s not truly available for a relationship with you, whether it’s because he has a girlfriend, a wife, or just issues. The morning after a date you text him, “Thanks so much for last night, it was amazing! You feel like you have to plot out every step of this relationship and without your constant vigilance, it will wither away and die. You are not really in control anyway, even though you think you are.Or, on your first date, you already feel like you’ve known him forever. How To Break It: The problem with this pattern is that while emotional intensity and physical attraction are electrifying, they’re not love and definitely don’t mean that this person is your one and only soul mate.You’re so comfortable, and giddy that at last you’ve found a guy who you can really be yourself with. All this excitement and attraction can blind you from seeing red flags that could be popping up all over the place.Also, guys who come on really strong at the beginning tend to be the ones who shortly thereafter, disappear altogether.As good as it feels to have someone adore you, he doesn’t actually low. ” You commiserate about your rough childhoods, and how it’s so hard to set boundaries and stand up for yourselves.

Plus: How To Tell If He’s Cheating The Pattern: You dream of being a writer so you date a well-known author while working as an administrative assistant.Or maybe you don’t deliberately seek out unavailable men, but find that all the guys you’re inexplicably drawn to are already taken. If a man is newly separated or going through a divorce, chances are he’s unavailable. Before you text him to thank him for a date, check-in with yourself and notice what your true motivation is. Warning: Some relationships wither and die when you stop making all the moves.You start out thinking it’s just a fling so it’s fine that he’s in a committed relationship. It’s great to let him know that you had fun and give this guy a sign that should he want to ask you out again, you’ll say yes. But these relationships aren’t worth being in anyway.Do whatever it takes to get back into the starring role of your own life.The Pattern: You want the guy you date to think you’re a great writer or singer or super-smart and savvy businesswoman.