Ideally, I’d like to think they were all looking for a mutually fulfilling relationship with love, care, trust, and respect…but a lot of people don’t know what a relationship looks like, never mind a healthy one – they just know they want one. So badly in fact, that I hear too many tales of people going into fixing/helping/healing/arguing/crisis management mode when they hardly know their dates. Desperation and insecurity either draw in shady people or filter out decent people as it’s kind of exhausting.Dating does require effort, but if you already have to work at dating someone, you’ve got issues. As I said in my last post on Future Faking and Fast Forwarding, if you can’t handle the emotional consequences of making mistakes or being disappointed, aside from slowing down and rolling back your level of investment, I would address these areas so that you can date with a reasonable level of confidence and not feel like it’s a ride or die situation.ahead of my loved one – about the only thing I haven’t done is cheated by being with another. My only redemption will be if I have finally learned from them. and I really don't know what I can do to change my ways, because I know it's not always the best course of action..Now, being older and (ahem) wiser, I know that this was EGO... I think to many people are insecure and need to be single to figure out what they want..can you really sample if your in a relationship. lookat all the people that find out the hard way , it's not true. I think relationships don't last because people don't know how to stop shopping. At the first sign of adversity, they're out there looking for someone else. And, I don't think that has anything to do with how many people are currently shopping.Use the period from when you meet whether it starts out online or in the ‘real world’ as an opportunity for you both to discover the ‘facts’ about one another and assimilate whether you want to progress…or opt out.
(And, yes, maybe that was just the stigma of divorce that coerced them.) I don’t know if any of this is good or bad, because all I can really do is speak for myself... In the past, I have placed career, money, personal motives, etc. although I see there's a problem in my mentality, because if the girl isn't interested in anything more, I pretty much cut all ties with them..Or is it more of a statement of people not wanting to be honest with each other and be faithful? I have studied the effects of serial dating and it is disastrous. There are probably quite a few perfectly good matches that slip by just because of the habit of deliberate distance. I think it is more a matter of knowing how to look than who you magically get amazed by. I know I'm starting to feel like I was traded in for a better model. Some people are always looking for the next best thing. It is more of a yearning to get away from the existing problem.I don't know about others, but I dont look for upgrades. I've run into a bunch of guys unwilling to go more than a date or two to spend a little time getting to know me because they're eternally waiting for something better...... Most serial daters will disagree, and I contend that they have reason to defend themselves but it is de-personalizing and de-selfing to spread oneself that thinly. It takes something extraordinary to nudge us awake from the trance, to take that closer look. Perhaps some people might see someone else as their savior, which would coincide with your question of the availablility of others being a factor.Do you think that relationships don't last because there are TOO many people out there shopping? I don't have this problem..most of the men I chat with on her live many miles away and there just isn't the possibility of a relationship being able to develop. There is always that defining moment with someone that makes them stand out from the rest. You can coax it all you want, if it isn't there, it isn't there. I think we deliberately refuse to acknowledge each other, so we aren't overrun with friends. It becomes a habit to brush people off, look past them and find small reasons to get past them quickly.Do relationships fail because people are constantly looking for an "upgrade" from the one they are with? I think some fear there is something wrong with them, so they keep trying to find that defining moment with as many as they can..it just makes it that much more elusive. And we are used to being treated that way ourselves. While I don't think that we're constantly looking to "upgrade" sometimes it feels that way when a relationship ends and the person you used to be with moves on too quickly. But while I think categorization has been made for general areas of disparity like money and sex, the high level of mental anguish in a disfunctional relationship doesn't need the promise of someone or something else.