I knew she was going to be hurt, but I had no idea what the night was going to be like.I felt terrible telling her that I was going to marry someone else.Although the specifics of her story are very different from what happened to me, the feelings she described were enough to remind me of where I was four years ago this month. She has two men who want to marry her, but she can’t decide what to do.She’s dated both of them, but the relationships have been very different. She saw things in him that she knew needed work — for both of them. There aren’t the highs and lows, but there also isn’t the magical connection.Almost seven months after that fateful night in early July, the decision was taken out of my hands. It destroyed me in ways that I will never be able to explain to anyone.The only positive outcome is that it forced me to get really serious with myself and work hard with a good therapist to figure out the reasons why I’d done some of the things I’d done. Even though I’d lost my “true love,” the other woman was still there and waiting.Then we moved to the parking lot of a nearby convenience store. I told the woman I loved that I couldn’t marry her. I just couldn’t get the emotional courage to make the definite choice.
I couldn’t commit to her, because she was a convenient, pragmatic back-up plan, not a woman I loved. The other one could have been a good and stable wife, even if I could have never had the connection I had with the first.
With one guy, she feels the magical connection that most of us want to feel and that a few of us have felt in a very real way. What’s more, she feels that he needs her far more than she needs him.
He’s apparently a great guy who will be a good father and husband — and he’s more financially stable — but the things she likes about him are mostly in her head, not her heart.
I thought about this Saturday because of a woman I met and talked with.
She’s consumed with trying to make a decision that will affect the rest of her life.